Celeste Headlee wants everyone to put down their phones, log off their laptops and have an old-fashioned face-to-face conversation. The public radio journalist and author gave an endowed lecture at Bridgewater College earlier this week about how to have better conversations in the wake of the U.S. presidential election, and her biggest piece of advice was to step away from the digital world and listen to someone in the real world.
When we listen—really listen—Headlee said that we can begin to see the humanity of the speaker and develop empathy for their context, even if we still disagree with their perspective. She said the tension around politics has left many people unwilling to talk with people who support a different political party but that it is important to be able to get along with people on the opposite side of the political divide.
“One in five people in each political party believe that [voters] in the other party are evil,” Headlee said. “Partisanship in this country is worse than racism; and racism is pretty bad.”
Why does this matter? Headlee said that over and over studies show that people are smarter and more productive when they are surrounded by difference. And learning how to disagree and still be able to work together is vitally important in today’s world. It doesn’t mean you need to like the person, Headlee was quick to clarify, you just need to show them respect.
“What is the likelihood that everything you believe is true?” she asked and nodded when the audience responded with nervous laughter. “We need to learn to be comfortable when we are wrong and gracious when others are wrong.”
Headlee said the skill of talking across differences is not just a nice thing to do but is what sets humans apart from the rest of the animal world: “Communication and collaboration are not soft skills; they are survival skills for our species. We need communication to survive.” But technology gets in the way of having those conversations, she said.
Email, texting, even videoconferencing, may give the illusion of conversation, but Headlee said that studies show that they are a poor substitute for in-person communication. She cited studies that show that cues in your body language and voice are an important part of in-person conversation that are absent in electronic communications. And in almost all cases, Headlee said that an in-person conversation boosts the serotonin levels in your brain and help you feel more connected to the person with whom you are speaking. It is in this context that both parties can learn from each other and, perhaps, find common ground.
To anyone who will be gathering over the winter holidays with family members who have different political views and hope to change their minds, Headlee also offered some advice.
“The only way to change anyone’s mind is to make them feel heard,” she said. “You are not going to change their mind with data and stats. Try to make a connection. Try to learn something from them.”
Headlee is a 20-year public radio veteran and has anchored programs including Talk of the Nation, Here and Now, All Things Considered and Weekend Edition. She is the author of several books, including We Need to Talk: How to Have Conversations that Matter, and gave a TEDx Talk, “10 Ways to Have Better Conversations,” that has been viewed more than 36 million times.
This endowed lecture was sponsored by the Anna B. Mow Symposium on Comparative Religious Ethics, the W. Harold Row Symposium on Reconciliation and the Harry W. and Ina Mason Shank Peace Studies Endowment. The next endowed lecture on Tuesday, Jan. 21, 2025, will feature author Wil Haygood speaking on “Healing America: From Tigerland to Today.”
– Heather S. Cole
11/15/24
